I’m not going to lie to you guys, this week’s Podcast is a little all over the place (mainly because of me). After taking a week off from recording I do my best to jump back in and answer your questions along with Robert Dunn, the host of The Orion Group, on seemingly a lot of questions around commitment.
Again, I’m not going to lie, questions about how to get guys to commit and just general knowledge of commitment in gernal isn’t my strong suite. In college my least favorite Poly Sci classes involved anything foreign policy wise but somehow I would show up, fake it, and leave before anyone realized I had no fucking clue what I was talking about. This is why I’d make a great PR person, because I’m the queen of talking in circles with some good points unrelated to the topic sprinkled throughout so you’re not actually sure if what I’m saying makes any sense and by the time you realize I don’t, I’m done talking.
The reason I probably babel on so much about commitment on this weeks podcast is because it’s probably one of my biggest issues when it comes to relationships. After 10 months of dating my ex, he was so scared of making a commitment to me he wouldn’t even commit enough to call me his girlfriend (which in every sense of the word I was). Needless to say I collected some baggage around feeling like I couldn’t inspire someone to like me enough to pull the commitment leaver.
It’s hard to admit but in the last year of dating I’ve come against guy after guy who would last a few dates/weeks and then somehow vanish into thin air when it was realized that we had very different ideas of where things were headed. I tried my best not to take it too personally while at the same time growing more and more frustrated that , it seemed as if the only thing most guys could commit to was themselves.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. I want to be very clear that prioritizing yourself and not jumping into commitment right away is a very healthy and smart idea (which is why, in general my opinion is you shouldn’t date unless you realize that that’s what dating leads to). But I also recognize that it’s a natural human instinct to want some level of dedication and devotion from someone you spend a lot of time with and bang on a regular basis. And just like everything in regards to a relationship, it really important to have an open conversation about things with your parter; a conversation where you talk about what point of dating you need/want a commitment, what that looks like for you, and how much of a commitment you feel comfortable with.
I would say (and based off the questions this week and my knowledge of committing in a relationship in general) that talking about commitment is one of the hardest and most vulnerable conversations you’ll have at some point. Why? Because talking about commitment means talking about how much you care, where you want things to go, a certain level of ownership you desire moving forward. Even when you’re with the right person this can be a really nerve racking experience and a deep turning point when it comes to dating.
But again, I’m not the best authority on this matter. In fact I’m simply learning as I go what type of advice I want to give to other people and myself when it comes to this topic. Which, if you listen, you will hear and wonder if I even know what I’m talking about.