Breathing & Waiting

chrysalysI’m on the precipice of something great. After years of figuring it all out in my early twenties and failing numerous times I have finally gotten to a place where things are making sense, slowly falling into place in a way that makes me feel like I’m going in the right direction. The thing I’ve learned about change and going in the right direction though is that inevitably, right before you’re about to get to something great everything else kinds of falls apart. In the past I use to see this as a sign that good things were not in fact coming but now I see this for what it is – the uncomfortable metamorphosis from one phase to the next.

There’s nothing like feeling the world seemingly shifting beneath your feet to make you think you need to hold onto something in order to survive.

But I’m getting into the weeds a bit here. The post is not technically about my metamorphosis, it’s about what I feel right now, before that.

Which is stressed. I hardly ever feel stressed (anxiety being a tad different than just being stressed) so it was difficult for me to identify at first. It doesn’t help that things are building in terms of tension and the very clear fact that I need to get out of a few avenues in my life that I have long outgrown and no longer make me feel happy. Everything I’ve slowly come to realize within the past 3 months is right on the surface, taunting me, daring me to engage and thus lose ground on all the things I’ve already learned. I have to actually take into practice the insights I’ve had and the tools I’ve learned to navigate certain situations, conflicts, and happenings. And it’s hard, and stressful.

I find myself having to repeatedly take a moment an asses if I’m losing it. I feel over everything and my patience wears thinner everyday. It’s hard to remember the growth I’v had when people are persistently ticking you off. You get lost in your current circumstances and it stalls everything.

So what am I doing about it? What could you do in a similar situation? What’s even the point of this particular post?

The morale of this story is that everyone has had those moments of large transition and it always feel the most stressful the closer you get. A move, a new job, a new relationship, an upcoming travel adventure; those are all big things that signal some sort of great self-idenityt and advances your personal and professional growth. In those moments we all find ourselves in discomfort and tension because that is what cocoon is. It’s an incubator where, the larger the caterpillar gets to turn into a butterfly the space that holds it is no longer the right size(this may be the cheesiest metaphor ever btw’s) but I’m sure while that butterfly was waiting the stress was palpable (this fucking guy I dated used this word a lot to ironically describe the frequent tension between us and now it’s rotating in my own vocabulary though I actually hate this word because it makes me imagine spit which is the grossest bodily fluid in my opinion). And that’s where I am now, and that’s where everyone will be at some point in their life and when it happens you just have to breathe and wait. chrysalys

 

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