At a certain age you’re suppose to have your shit together. When that is and what that means is up for debate; but I think the general consensus is at some point, in your life, you should probably have most of your shit fairly together.
I think we can also all agree that, that point in your life will not happen in your twenties. Oh I know, some of you will say, “well that may be true in your case…” to which I will counter with, “sure, for me and the vast majority of twenty-somethings in the world right now- but you are definitely entitled to the facts in your own life.”
In your early twenties you don’t even know what shit is. You scramble from problem to problem, making poor choices with literally no regard for the long term consequences, and you shouldn’t! Without this vital period in your life where bad decision run rampant you wouldn’t know what good decision look like, and I’m pretty sure that’s the main ingredient in having said shit togetherness.
The main reason you can’t have it all together during this stage in your life is also because you don’t realize how much you don’t know. In your mind there’s nothing too big too handle, too confusing to unwind and too expensive to not purchase. You may have experienced hard things but you haven’t experienced real shit and thus your life still exist in extremes, an all or nothing mentality that refuses to see shades of grey.
In your mid twenties you don’t even know where to put all the shit you need to get together. You still think you’re working off a checklist that announces when you are done but no matter how much you check off it all still settles unevenly. Can pay own bills on time- check. Finally making decent money – check? Living in a place you can barely afford but is your home – check & check! Doesn’t matter that nothing makes sense and you just seem to be accumulating more and more emotional baggage every time you walk out the door. You finally realize you have to get it all together (mind & body) in order to feel your head pop up from beneath the water and stuff just can’t do that.
I hear your late twenties and early thirties is all about balancing your shit so that at random moments it appears and feels as if it’s all together. You don’t actually have any of it figured out, but you somehow become a master at pretending you do and having just enough figured out to sustain a regular existence. That’s at least what I hear, which is why I’m trying to take all my literally shit and all my emotional shit and start digging.
Because I’m a millennial, a scorpio, an extrovert, as well as a self proclaimed “Type A” person I want all my shit together NOW (well not now, yesterday preferably). I want not to feel like things are constantly slipping out of my control and , quite frankly, if they are to not care so much. I want the grey area to stop feeling so grey and if I’m being honest, I want it not to feel as intense as it does right now.
The faking it and figuring it all out is easy, but the doing the work, the actual mental, emotional, and physical work that makes managing all the shit in your life somewhat feasible – we’ll that’s something else entirely. Yet so many of us don’t want to take a second, a beat, a pause, and slow down and do the work so that it does come easily. Our relationships aren’t working out because we don’t want to be alone. Our professional life isn’t growing because we don’t know how to play the game. Our friendships are harder because we don’t want to have a long enough conversations to actually check-in with the people we care about. And don’t even get me started on family drama, I’m starting to realize that shit may never find it’s place on the “together” shelf.
We have to stop thinking it’s a checklist and start seeing it as a map to a better self, because having your shit together could mean a lot of things but most importantly it means seeing your life as whole because you are whole.
So let’s just take a second and get on that.