They say that you can’t run away from your problems but let me be one of the many who says, it definitely helps. It’s no secret that my quarter life crisis is in full swing but while I begrudgingly wait for the storm to past it feels like the continued downpour is starting to get to me. The slow trudge of a mediocre waitressing gig, the never ending tennis match of relationships, the distance of friendships and the up in the air status of where exactly I’m going in my life. The benefit of moving home was to figure it all out, the benefit to moving home was to save for this amazing adventure to South Africa, the benefit of moving home was to deal with problems and not run away from them.
Except in the short term I wake up almost everyday wanting to crawl out of my skin. It’s all too much, and on my best days I manage to get up and ride the wave until I find the shore again. But then I was given a surprising 4 days off, the temperature in Modesto is in triple digits and living in a house without air conditioning, meaning I would be literally living in hell. Not to mention this week was suppose to be happy, it was suppose to be filled with the busy feeling of helping out a campaign nearing the primary, it was suppose to be spent going to a baseball game and feeling the cool breeze of the San Francisco city and now it’s not. Instead of having work to drown out my disappointment I was stuck with nothing to do but think about what I didn’t have and what I was not doing and the thought filled me with actual dread, real, heart pounding dread.
I had to get out of there. I had to get out literally and figuratively or else I was going to lose it, like actually lose my mind. Luckily family isn’t far. I packed a bag, threw it in my car and drove to my Aunt and Uncles in Sacramento because though you can’t run away from your problems I sure as hell wanted to try.
And from the moment I hopped in the car I felt a small relief in my heart. An hour and a half drive later I pulled up and could feel an immediate cooling in the air. Being around family, being around people who love and support me felt like ice in the boiling waters of my mind. I feel likeI can breathe. Getting away diminishes everything else. It helps me not focus on what isn’t, and instead turns my thoughts to whats possible just by a change in location.
Sometimes you just have to get away. Sometimes the change, the drive, the atmosphere keeps you from sitting in heaps of self pity. It helps but I’m not under any illusion it’s a cure all. But it’s a rain coat, it’s something to keep me weathering through the rest of the storm.