I know, I’m definitely not writing the same amount as I was before, but I have good reason – I have been living. When I started writing this blog I was going through a rough time but I wasn’t really living and enjoying my life. When I started writing for Thought Catalog I was coming off of the most positive transformation I have ever been through and the words and the stories from about April till November of last year just flowed out (not to sound to cliche). Then, as my life started to settle for the first time post college, I didn’t lose interest in writing I just needed some time to sink in to it before I could write anything of substance. Every few days I would sit down to try and capture some feeling and emotion of being very much in the mid-twenties phase of my life and yet nothing translated. So I would go on living my life, observing, having conversations with people, experiencing new things and new reactions to some of the same life challenges I had always had.
Then this morning I woke up and opened up my TimeShop App, just for shits and giggles. If you’re not familiar with the app I’ll explain. The app complies your social media statues and photos and tells you all of yours from the same day of years past. It’s only gained popularity since #TBT or #ThrowbackThursday became I thing (to which I have many comments, none of which i will share here). So even though it’s Friday, I had noticed a trend in my TimeShop as of late. It seemed that I had been at very different phases in my life, particularly at this time of year.
Take 3 years ago (March 20th, 2012)
It had been a bunch of photos I had uploaded when me and my then boyfriend had just finished a cross country road trip from Virginia to AZ. Of course it’s more complicated than that. I had just had my first big job failure. Having uprooted my life after college for the President’s reelection campaign I found that having your first job be in a place you’ve never lived before with people you just met, for close to 80 hours a week where the lines between family and professionals is often blurred was NOT a good idea. I was just barely 21, and was no where near as grown up as I wanted people to believe I was. After 8 weeks the Obama campaign and I parted ways and though I had some choices to what would go on next the one most practical to me was to regroup back in Arizona with my then boyfriend Nicholas and try to scrap and pull my way back into the 2012 election cycle. I ended up only being back in Arizona for a few weeks before I was offered a position paying better money back in my home state in the place I will always call home, the Bay Area. I spent the remainder of that year learning lessons in being independent and surviving on your own. I learned a lot about being resourceful but mostly I just wanted to show I could be my own person while still acting in questionable and destructive ways. Had I not gone back to AZ after the OFA failure I would have never met my future boss and then friend and co-worker, who later would be there when I desperately need a place to escape from.
Which then brought us to a year later (March 20th 2013)
My post election dreams didn’t turn out how I had imagined- my candidate lost and I was back out on my as. So, I went back to Arizona, again (you’ll notice a theme here). I was waitressing and trying to save up so Nicholas and I could move out on our own. I was miserable, by no one’s fault but my own because my life at that point was such a disappointment to me. The sadness I felt was echoed by the fact that Nicholas’s father was dying of ALS and everyone felt the despair, it is a horrible disease and at the time it was the small things that made us all happy (like jelly beans, one of the few treats Ron still enjoyed at the time, which is why we had gone to get jelly beans in the first place). That year I learned a lot about family, and the importance of failing a little in order to appreciate the good things. I felt like my life had stalled but really it was just the downhill before what would soon be the year everything started to shift.
Which brings us to last year March 20th, 2014
I was in a writing slump similar to the one I’m in now, I wrote this to explain it. I wouldn’t say they were the same type of slump but it definitely sounds familiar. The truth is I had just gotten laid off of a job I was mildly interested in and only slightly good at. It felt like the setbacks kept rolling in and dealing with the grief that was the death of Ron was emotionally life altering. Yet, we were in Colorado, a place I felt kept calling our name. A few weeks after this I was hired to Reading Partners, and the reality of moving set a lot of things into motion, including the beginning of the end for my relationship with Nicholas. I was scared about things working out and in the end it all did. I moved, I started over, and I lost 25lbs while doing it. I was ending the 3 years that summarized my early twenties and I felt unbelievably unprepared for what was still left to accomplish….
Which brings us to now. I feel settled in many aspects of where I’m headed in life. The values that are important to me are clear, as the qualities I look for in friends and in a romantic partner. I’m less afraid of failure and more in tuned to when to take risk and when to lay low. It’s been a slow transition but I feel like this phase is complete and the adventure of my mid-twenties still lies ahead, waiting for the evolution of the aspiring adult.