Yesterday my first ever Elite Daily article went up live. It took my two weeks to write because I wrote it in small pieces, letting my emotions pour out into words when there was no other outlet.
I kind of always knew I was going to write about my experience being pregnant, the decision making process, and eventually my decision to have an abortion shortly after the New Year. While it was an extremely personal time where I shut the world out, my choice to use my platforms as a way to share my story is the exact reason I started writing in the first place. It would have been easy to keep my experience to myself, to hide what it was like to be so conflicted, and how I spun out into depression afterwards. Instead I took a deep breath and allowed the world in to
judge read, relate and respond to, what was a very powerful time for me.
A lot of the comments on my piece are what you would expect. Abortion is still a very raw subject in our society for religious reasons and for non-religous reasons. What I wanted, and what I am very proud of is the fact that I didn’t hold anything back. I used my own life as a way to start a dialog about an important issue to me and to many other reproductive choice advocates all over. For the most part the conversations in the comments and on Facebook are civil. There are a few “unfollow”, “you are sick”, and “baby killer comments” mixed in, but surprisingly I they don’t hit me personally because I know these people would have put these comments up regardless of who shared their experience. What is surprising is how many people feel moved by my story and shared their own experience of being pregnant and having to make that decision. It feels right that I published this piece when I read those because the point of all my writing is to relate and share.
A lot of women used the word brave to describe me sharing my experience. I don’t know if brave is the way I feel – I feel more strong. This article is more empowering to me than my abortion ever was. Sure I made the right choice for me, my family, and my body but what’s more empowering is feeling that I inspired others to do the same. Moving the conversation and removing some shame from saying “hey I had an abortion and I felt…. because of it” does help in some small way.
Honestly, the first thing I felt when I found out this piece was going to be published was nervous. My heart skipped a beat and I was excited (Elite Daily has a huge viewer-ship and a lot of people were going to read my words about having an abortion) but also very aware of how loudly I was living my life in this moment. I always say that I live my life out loud because no one talks about the hard stuff in your twenties but it is still a very surreal feeling knowing that your heart is literally on a page being read by thousands of people.
I don’t regret it. I’m very happy that I wrote it and feel it may be one of the strongest pieces I’ve ever written.
Thank you for all who are reading my stuff, you are amazing and inspire me everyday to keep writing and keep sharing. Stay tuned, this year is going to be a wild ride.