It Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

I started this blog as an homage to the fact that your twenties suck. That being said, it is a time in your life where a lot goes on, you’re exploring yourself mentally, emotionally and physically as well as within your career, your relationships, and in the world as a whole. My goal for this blog (as well as my writing on Thought Catalog) is to share my experiences in my twenties fully and honestly so that other people can relate and find comfort that they are not alone. In the wake of Robin Williams tragic death last week and because of my own battles with suicide and depression I am recommitting to that mission and focusing on sharing my life “out loud” to more and more followers and readers everyday. Okay, I’m digressing. 

There are many things that adults and older peers really encourage in your twenties and I am currently living about 3. I’m working in a totally new field (non profit, which isn’t a complete 180 from my world in politics but is definitely a new avenue), I’m living on my own in a new city, and I am single and dating. All of these things are looked at as rites of passage for any twenty something and I have to tell you – it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 

In general I would say that this new chapter of my life is 60/40. 60% excitement and over all contentment and 40% WTF AM I DOING!? Let’s start with the new job. I am falling in love more and more everyday with my new co-workers, school site, and organization overall. I definitely feel like I’ve finally found the right fit for me career wise. However, working with educators and school administrations is challenging and a little different than how I imagined. Its required a lot more patience than I am use to and definitely a gentler touch. Luckily I really do feel supported in my role and feel like being only 3 weeks in that by this time next month my job will feel second nature to me. 

This weekend was also big because I moved into my new apartment! Now I’ve been living on my own for quite sometime but this is my first real apartment that wasn’t just me moving into an already established house hold. It’s a little stressful. I’m sore all over from moving stuff in and right now my room looks like a bomb hit it. Not to mention that a lot of work goes into making a house a home so I’ll be spending the next month or so slowly getting the place in order. Not my favorite but it’ll be okay. It definitely a little lonely being out here without my friends or any real support system outside of work. I’m hoping to make some more friends as I finally unpack and get use to the neighborhood but it ain’t easy.

Finally I’m sinking more and more into my single life. I’ve been on a few dates this week (thank you Tinder) but dating is hard. The “hook-up” culture has got a strong hold on our generation and that makes everything a little murky when it comes to dating. Not to mention a small piece of me is still hung up on the guy from CA. I keep comparing how I felt about him during our first few dates to the guys here and it’s tough. With every bad date I feel myself closing down emotionally and guarding myself because I’ve stopped trusting in the process. I think every single girl has this period somewhere after a break-up where you just start feeling jaded and disillusioned with dating. I’m hoping it’s a passing phase but either way I do feel more romantically lonely than I had at any other point in this summer. 

So that’s the gist of it. Lots of self-discovery moments as mandated by the invisible “Things Twenty Somethings Must Do Police” . I know everything going on in my life right now is character building and important but it’s also hard and frustrating and not always fun. Somedays I feel proud of myself for doing all of these things and sometimes it just really sucks. God, I hate my twenties 😉 

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