No literally, I saw a rainbow. I was sitting in bed listening to music feeling nostalgic and melancholy, the way summer rain always makes me feel, and my uncle told me to come outside.
“There’s a rainbow!” he said.
My uncle gets excited about things like that. He’s a nerd, a father of a young child, and an overall enjoyer of life so rainbows are pretty high up there on the scale of magnificent things for him. I wanted to see it, but to be honest rainbows always disappoint me. Sometimes you can barely see them and then you just feel cheated – needless to say I mosied outside at a very leisurely pace, sure that this was just another one of his “nature is beautiful” exaggerated moments.
But as I looked up into the orange hued sky I saw the brightest, closest, most outstanding rainbow I have ever seen. Raindrops fell sporadically on my head as I marveled at the rainbow which looked almost as perfect as the ones I’ve seen in painted pictures. I immediately felt lucky, then grateful, then happy all at once. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. All last night and all today (though struggling through a particularly brutal hangover) I’ve been feeling it. I think is the word is – blessed.
Of course, it’s a bittersweet feeling. It’s my ex’s birthday and for some reason my thoughts wondered towards him, more specifically if he’s having fun, if he’s happy – wishing that on this day maybe his heart isn’t as broken as I tend to assume it is. I want that for him. Despite my many feelings about our relationship, the way it ended, and the many many awful things he’s said and done since then I still feel a strong desire for him to have the best. Just because he wasn’t for me doesn’t mean I wish ill of him. I think the word is – mature.
And after 6 weeks here, close to home, family, and friends my time is finally drawing to an end. I’ll be in Denver in less than a week and will be traveling from California on Wednesday. It has been a truly wonderful trip where countless lessons and insights have been had. As much as I mourned not being able to be in DC it really was such divine order that I got to be here in sacramento instead. My best friend and I spent the morning (and then subsequently the day, though that wasn’t our intent) laughing and talking about everything in our lives. Our conversations never grew tiresome nor trivial and it felt the way it always feels when you’re with someone who isn’t blood but feels like family. I think the word is – sisters.
Within our many conversations I gushed about the guy I’m dating. It was her first time meeting him last night and it couldn’t have gone better. Dancing and drinking and being young with two of my favorite people felt exactly how you would expect it to feel – wonderful. From the first moment he grabbed me until my resistant and drunken goodbye kiss I felt nothing but elation from being with him. I reveled in her confirming that yes he was as amazing as I had described. Calm, cool, collected – in her words a perfect balance for me. She even allowed me the spoken acknowledgement that watching us she could see there was definitely something there and how, from an outsiders perspective, she could tell he really liked me. I drifted in between thoughts of him and talking to her and feeling, again, very much hungover. I think the word is – smitten.
So yeah, I saw a rainbow. It was a caper to an otherwise perfect weekend. I felt like somehow the rainbow was magical and isolated – as if it were just for me, like this life I’ve been enjoying so much lately. I think the word is – gift. 🙂