11 Things Girls Say They’ll Stop Doing, But Then Don’t

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Reading Cosmopolitan Magazine
As if by 25 we even still need to read “60 new ways to get him to climax”, it’s insulting. In fact, since most of us have been reading this magazine since our late teens, it’s quite possible we’ve already read all the advice Cosmo will ever have to give! We know there’s no hard hitting journalism going on inside its pages, no in-depth expo on Syria or the state of the economy, and it’s not exactly like we’re dying to read about whatever greased up Kardashian is currently on the cover. Yet there we are standing in line, flipping to a page with Zac Efrons abs on it, and the next thing you know we’re handing it over to the cashier with a sheepish grin on our face while mumble something about reading it for the recipes. Liar.

2. Accepting drinks from guys we have no intention of talking to
This really is the female equivalent of getting a girls number but never calling or texting her. In other words, it’s not a victimless crime but odds are when you go out to a bar you know there’s a firm possibility of this taking place. If you’re not a huge twat you’ll keep it to 1 cheap well drink and then make like a bunny and hop. Besides, that dude needs to save his money for the inevitable therapy he’ll need from meeting girls like you.

3. Unfairly hating on other females
Tina Fey (knower of all things) says that girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worse type of female behavior, “right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.” Because we already have so many other things as females to worry about, I tend to agree with that statement with some exceptions (I stand by that boyfriend stealing should at least be a misdemeanor or something). However, hating on other ladies without probable cause is just gross. We should really just be honest and say, “That girl rubs me the wrong way because I’m jealous of her beauty and poise.” But que serra serra a Zebra cannot change it’s stripes.

4. Having slightly unprotected sex
The first step is admitting you have a problem, and despite it being every mother’s worst nightmare, ladies – we do. Even though we’re more in control of our bodies and what goes into them more now than ever,I have yet to meet a girl who hasn’t confessed to using the ole “pull out method” every once in a blue moon. Obviously this level of stupidity is a two way street but this assumption that only guys are cavalier about their sexual health is grave misinformation. Wrap it up people.

5. Missing the moment for the sake of a #selfie
This isn’t just relegated to the female population either, but you have to admit we do take the cake on this one. It’s sad, but I occasionally have to ask myself, “Do I even remember what I was doing when I took this? Is it inappropriate to post this picture because of the overall situation that I was in when I took it? We should all adopt this same inner reasoning. I mean, I get it, sometimes a good hair day is a good hair day, but at Grandma’s funeral?! #SoSad #Grieving #RIPGrams

6. Spending more than $5 on one Starbucks drink
Every time I order a Venti Soy Chai with extra foam at Starbucks and the cashier tells me it’s $5.17, a little part of me dies inside. Sure, it’s nice to feel like a grown-up baller who can afford things in their largest sizes and say things like “can I get that with soy?”, if only I was making $5 a drink, grown-up baller money, that’d be great. Quick math: $5 drinks x 5 mornings a week = $100 a month on COFFEE… That’s insane.

7. Ditto, going out to Happy Hour anytime the week of payday
This is not the Sex in the City era anymore, this is the Olivia Pope day and age and if you want your glass of Merlot you’re going to have to do it in the privacy of your own apartment like the broke 25 year old you are. You’re not fooling anyone when you’re out 2 days until payday sipping on a Mai Tai at that swanky downtown patio lounge. We all know you’re going home to a frozen Trader Joe’s mac & cheese dinner later. You might have been able to afford a Chipotle burrito if you won’t such a 5’ o Clock booze hound.

8. Eating our roommates food
You walk in from the gym, open the refrigerator, and immediately see a Chobani, but the funny thing is, you haven’t been grocery shopping since last Thursday! Obviously you take it – but first you mentally promise you’ll replace it. Out of fairness, you decide take the banana too, she wouldn’t want you to jeopardize your muscle recovery.

9. Getting regularly scheduled bikini waxes
They tell you that in order to avoid the maximum amount of pain it’s best to come for your scheduled down-there appointment every 3 – 4 weeks before everything has time to fully grow back in again. I’m sorry, but excuse me if the process of having hot wax directly applied to your most sensitive areas and then ripped off by a lady (who has to be only 5’3, right? Why are estheticians always so short?!) who’s asking you about your weekend while you lay on your back, spread eagle, is something we’d rather not experience bimonthly. I get it, we don’t want to look like Chewbacca, but we also reserve a right to put this injustice off for a few extra weeks sometimes.

10. Flaking on Girls Night Out
In theory, an all night shit-facedathon with your best girlfriends whilst repeatedly playing Drunk in Love & Turn Down for What, is a fun idea. But by the time Friday at 11 rolls around you’d much rather catch up on Game of Thrones and drink Mascato by yourself then hold your best friends hair back while she pukes, crying” I just know he loves me though!” one more time. You love them, you love going out, and as we discussed earlier, you’re not even above getting free drinks from guys you have no intention of even speaking to in order to have a good time, but I mean – ugg, can’t we just do brunch instead?

11. Posting provocative pictures on Instagram but wondering why guy only want to hook-up with you
It really does baffle me that most women don’t see the correlation between these two things when they’re pretty obviously a cause and effect type situation, I mean, that’s part of the point of isn’t it, posting the most amazing pictures of yourself to drum up desire? It’s really just free, slightly self-obsessive self-marketing, in my opinion. The annoying part isn’t that, the annoying part is doing it, and then complaining about it anyway. Just stop. Stop it.

Dear Early 20’s, I Apologize in Advance For My Self Destructive Behavior

article-page-main_ehow_images_a01_v9_hj_recognize-selfdestructive-behavior-800x800Dear Early 20’s,

It’s hard to admit this, but this isn’t going to be pretty. These years – the ones standing between you & I and adulthood, they’re going to be hard and I won’t help to make them any easier. Right off the bat, I can tell you there will be too much drinking, a lot of it will be shitty beer, but some of it will be enough hard liquor to age my liver about five years in the span of a few months. Don’t worry though, only about half of my self-destructive decisions during this time will be made under the influence. Those decisions will probably involve getting kicked out of bars, making out with a strangers, & stumbling through my college campus while posting things on social media with #YOLO. Inevitably, I’ll drunkenly have a philosophical conversation with some homeless people, waste all my pancakes at iHop, and call the cops we pass on the street “sexy” because my best friend dares me too. To add insult to destructive injury, I’ll probably engage in some meaningless sex that will only slightly make me feel like a cheap prostitute, and will result in no less than complete irrational drama as a consequence. Sadly, my sober antics won’t be anymore wise. I’ll probably get involved in some ill-conceived attempt at young love, for which neither of us will know how to untangle ourselves from because we’re in our twenties and we don’t understand the effort that goes into supportive and loving relationships. We’ll stay together just long enough to hate ourselves – fingers crossed at least one of us walks away unscathed and without permanent emotional scars. Then, eventually, I’ll have some blow up with my roommate and/or best friend over our idea of what “maturity” means. We’ll both be wrong, but I probably won’t realize that until after I’ve said the most hurtful and private things in the book because, at the time, it’ll be more worth it to burn the bridge to the ground than communicate like normal human beings. Similarly, there will probably be a professor, mentor, or boss that will try to steer me in a productive direction that I will rebuff because I’m too ungrateful to understand that opportunities don’t just fall from the sky. I’ll be young and talented, and I’ll think I’m above having to pay my dues because, didn’t you know our generation invented Facebook and all of our ideas are the next big thing?! Somewhere in here my parents and I will have a falling out too. It won’t be ugly, but I’ll forget how much they sacrificed in order for me to act this overprivileged and that will most likely make my mother cry endlessly. I’ll finally learn what real disappointment and heartbreak feels like and if I’m lucky I’ll only experiment with a few drugs, venturing only a little off course before I realize that I’m wasting my time. I’ll sink all my self worth into what others think of me, putting up way too much information about my life on social media for the little attention it provides – probably half naked, and definitely with a red cup. Honestly, this could last for a while. My behavior while trying to find out what I value, and who I am in life could end up doing a lot of harm to myself and those around me. Luckily I’m apologizing in advanced because I know that it’s just the necessary evils that comprise growing up. I’ll learn the difference between things that need to be said and things that don’t, that respect can’t be given unless I respect myself, that love loss is better than no love at all, all the cliches in the book. It’ll be hard going down this self-destructive path for a few years, in what feels like all alone, but we’ll make it through, I promise.

Love,
Yourself

That’s Just Your Opinion: Stephanie Castle

It’s backkkkkkkk. Another installment that proves even more mind boggling than the first. 

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Piece: Ladies: If You’re Upset That Your Partner Doesn’t Help You Around The House, The Answer Is Simple

First appeared on: Thought Catalog

Author: Stephanie Castle

 

 

 

WTF: I honestly don’t even know where to begin with this nonsense. You can’t even get two paragraphs in without wanting to side swipe this broad for being so ridiculous. This is not an article about that honestly talks about the roles and demands being a women still is in our society, no it’s a whining diatribe about how unfair housework is and how being a mom is hard and wahhhhhh. I get it, I know what it’s like to pick up your 20th pair of dirty socks from the living room couch and think to yourself “why the fuck can’t you seem to find the laundry basket?!” and the answer is simple, it’s called grow a pair of expectations and ask for some god damn help. If you’re a control freak maybe you shouldn’t have procreated with a man who doesn’t understand your need for order and cleanliness. Ladies, lets not skirt our responsibilities for making the conscience choice to “suffer in silence”, real men know how to take out the trash, how to fold some undies, and they sure as hell should have within them the ability to take some Mr. Clean to the kitchen counter. This idea that finding a good mate somehow means we don’t ask their opinions about gender roles and household chores is even more abysmal than assuming that a woman would be responsibilities for those duties in the first place. I could honestly go on about this article forever but lets just get to the evidence shall we?

The Evidence:

“Stop letting this ruin your life. If it is you that is happy with a clean home, then keep it clean. You should. But don’t pull passive aggressive measures trying to get someone who may not be so interested to help you.” [[I fucking agree, if you like a clean home and your significant other also likes a clean home than you shouldn’t rely on passive aggressive measures to get him to clean, you just only marry people with decent home training so you can avoid marrying a douche like that in the first place.]]

“This Mother’s Day, I was really down. As I was ironing his shirts for work the next day, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Really? He isn’t going to stop me from my usual cleaning, laundry, cooking and tending to my child today?” He didn’t. I felt sorry for myself the whole day… I cried a bit.” [[ Are you serious?! Call Gloria Steinem ASAP.]]

“The number one complaint I hear from the ladies I know today is that their partner does not help them. They are exhausted. Some either have or have considered cheating because they have fantasies about other men. But what are they fantasizing about? A man in an apron making dinner and cleaning the house? You have to ask yourself, what were you hoping for when you met your partner?” [[Do you even know what the definition of partner is? It’s an equal, that means someone who values and cares about you and is willing to maybe even do things they don’t love because you are a team. I’m certainly not fantasizing about a guy in an apron but do I want to marry someone who doesn’t make me iron his shirts on Mother’s Day? Ummm, duh.]]

 

It hit me like a Swiffer Sweeper to the head — sharing the responsibilities is not the reason I fell for him. I can’t measure how I feel about him based on how he helps me at home. ” [[ I can’t even. Sharing the responsibilities should have been part of your VOWS you loser! What does how you feel about him have anything to do with helping around the house? Those aren’t mutually exclusive! I can’t even.]]

My Opinion: I’m still shaking from this article. I think this woman shouldn’t be allowed to raise a child, I’m being 100% honest here. Look, gender roles in our society have been changing for quite some time, and they will continue to do so but what women have had the power to do for decades now is chose spouses that complement them when it comes to household tasks. You don’t get to complain about doing all the housework if all you do is silently stew about doing all the housework. You should have a husband who understand that no amount of “shared responsibilities” will ever compensate for the things you’re responsible for just by being a woman and will thus do whatever it takes be a team of 2 and not 1. Hopefully our generation gets that. Hopefully this lady is just one crazy apple from an otherwise more culturally aware group of young ladies becoming wive and mothers now. Do we understand what marriage means or are we just pretending to be the enlightened feminist that our mothers taught us to be? Are we secretly wishing and hinting at what we want our partners to do or do we have the balls to expect – nay, demand mutual respect. I know I do.

End of rant. Someone tweet this girl that she’s a twit.

Top 10 Best TV Seasons of the 2013-2014 Broadcasting Year

fall_tv_schedule_2014_logosI’m back! Or at least I’m back writing not emo, not published, not recipe driven blogs about the thing we all really care about – TV.  Another year of great story lines, plot twist, and character development has come and gone, and I won’t lie to you, a lot of it was a terrible.  This season of television from cables channels all the way down the line, were slim pickings, but luckily for you I”ll be starting a yearly tradition of this rundown to praise the shows we were all watching, and shed some light on the ones we you didn’t but you should have.  As I count down,  please remember that this is a list of TV shows this past year that had consistency throughout the whole season from start to finish as well as the fact that my opinion continues to mean nothing.

 

10. House of Lies (Season 3) SHOWTIME — Just when you thought Marty Kann & Associates couldn’t get any crazier they hit you with some double agent, Jeannie’s acting white girl crazy, TI AND Mekhi Phifer acting their balls off type of shit that changes everything.  Every season this show is on, it’s creates perfect blend of Entoruage meets Scandal with a heavy dose of amazing created by Emmy nominated Don Cheadle but this season knocked it out of the park with some character retrospection and some action packed final episodes for good measure.  It isn’t enough that we’re still reeling from, what looks like the end of Marty Kann, via criminal mandate but who’s not hoping that Clyde with the season he’s had makes a huge comeback and takes it all in season 4. Is that just me then?

9.  The Blacklist (Season 1) NBC — If you want to know why this show is one of the only few that made it from last years up fronts to this seasons #1 new drama you really need to look no further than James Spader being a cheeky criminal to get the appeal. It’s a procedural, sure, but it’s darker than most and watching the cat and mouse game between Spader’s character and Agent Lizzy Keen brings a level of tension to NBC that isn’t usually spotted. I think this is a good show but I can feel that what is does best will only get better in time.

8. Parenthood (Season 5) NBC — This show, while easily one of the best family drama’s to be on television outside of Friday Night Lights, had some missteps this season after finishing the tear jerking season 4 wrap up. Some of the story lines seemed tired and repetitive, which is why it got bumped so far down on the list. The Braverman clan still ebs and flows with who the most interesting characters are and this year it was Joel & Julia’s divorce storyline that had me reaching for the box of tissues. Sarah’s never ending cycle of male suitors is becoming almost a joke and while I love watching Christina & Adam overcome obstacles this year seemed a bit much in the wake of surviving cancer, adding an air of unrealistic situations in an otherwise realistic show.

7. The Walking Dead (Season 4) AMC — You loved it or you hated it and everything else in between just wouldn’t be The Walking Dead. I’ll admit that it was far superior to last seasons wackiness but the first half of the year’s Walking Dead was a little lackluster even still. While I did love the reoccurring themes of hope and family as played out by Rick & Carl throughout season 4, the character development for all the characters on this show this season was the real icing on top for me. I find myself interested in what happened to Beth, intrigued by Rick’s new found resilience, and more than a bit worried about baby Judith’s fate with Carol & Tyreese at the helms.

6. Scandal (Season 3) ABC — Mama Pope & Papa Pop came just in the nick of time to add a little spice to Olivia’s soup of drama between Jake Ballard & the President. Add in some freaky stuff with Huck & Quinn, some more crazy Mellie, and obviously, murder, and you have the soapiest best show on TV. Next year with Columbus  Short axed and a not pregnant leading lady I’m sure the twist will just keep on coming but I’m more interested in seeing less pinning and more handling from all our “Gladiators”. Also, is it ok if I’m totally #TeamJake from this point on? He looks better without a shirt.

5. House of Cards (Season 2) NETFLIX — It cometh like a storm in a desert with no flowers. That’s how good this binge worthy drama is. Season 1 was unassuming and amazing but season 2 you knew what you were in for and boy did it deliver. Claire continues to be the most dynamic woman I’ve ever seen on TV, ironically never letting the audience see her whole hand so that she can remains morally ambiguous as her and Frank rise to the top of the political heap.  Their relationship with each to each other, with Meechum, and with their subordinates is so mind numbingly awesome that it only took me 4 days to finish the season and only 2 to want to watch the whole thing again.

4. Veep (Season 2) HBO — I added the next two shows even though their currently in the process of airing because they’re both too good not to. Funnier and more accurate of the two is Veep, which, side note, did you know Julia Louis-Dreyfus is 53?! Season 1 was funny because we got to learn about Selina, her staff, and the unglamorous realties of taking the second most important job in the country , but season 2 is even better because you open up the unbridled humor of campaign life. Also, am I the only one who loves all the random pairings this show has been setting us up for this season? Kent & Sue? Amy & guy from The Office but is actually on Silicon Valley? And was I getting a Dan & Selina vibe a few episodes ago? She won 2 Emmy’s already for this role, do you need any more reason to think it’s a good idea to opt for HBO?

3.  Mad Men (Season 7 A)  AMC — It gets half the numbers but is still by far and away the best AMC show ever. Sorry Breaking Bad and, it’s true. Even though we still have a few more episodes to go in the split final season of Don Drapers 60’s lifestyle, the past 4 episodes have just brought the roof down with realization and growth (?!?!) The best part about this season is that we get all of our main characters doing and saying classic things their character would say all while gentle and quietly changing into a better version of who we’d want them to be. It’s touching and not quite sinking in that by this time next year we’ll be saying good bye to all those Mad Men references that we think make us sound cooler along with Jon Hamm’s handsomely drunken face.

2. The Mindy Project (Season 2) FOX — So here’s the thing – I love this show but I’m cautiously aware of how unrealistic it is. She’s a quirky doctor who always dates the wrong guy but secretly has always been in love with her best friend who, after some time, realizes he couldn’t live without her either. Vomit. I’m torn between wanting to see a show about Mindy Kaling, the slightly awkward, not a size 2, funny woman who makes dating less irritating just by being a part of it, and the show that it is, which is none of that. It’s hilarious though, and the chemistry between Mindy and Chris Messina is pretty exciting to watch, but while this season was all lead up I’m wondering how they make the quality stick now that the two main characters are “all in”. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t suck.

1. The Good Wife (Season 5) CBS — If you’re not watching this show just stop right now. This season has exploded with emotion and character development and just all around good story telling since it started last September. Do you how hard it must be to write 22 AMAZING episodes of television? I use to think it was impossible until I watched this season of the Julianna Margulies hit show and ever Sunday was another great hour of TV. From the starting of their own firm to Will’s shocking and untimely death you cannot watch this season and not think Emmy’s all around for everyone involved. Hands down. Period.

… and some soup to boot

A promise is a promise, I’m sharing some of my favorite recipes this summer and even though I’m not thinking of going full on “Food & Wine” blogger anytime soon, I figured why not showcase some of the yummy things I luck into making for everyone to enjoy.

Roasted Red Pepper Soup (w/ truffle grilled cheese) 

10322824_10152401394868910_8780723216845204587_n5 – 7 Red Bell Peppers

Sage

Thyme

Cilantro

Olive Oil

Fontana Cheese

Garlic

White Truffle Oil

Butter

Red Onion

Vegetable Stock 

Brioche loaf

1) Place freshly washed & pitted red bell peppers onto a try of aluminum foil with garlic and broil until roasted evenly on both sides.

2) Bag both the peppers & garlic in a large plastic Ziploc and let “sweat” for 15 – 20 minutes.

3) Rid the peppers of their skins and place them to the side (if you have the ability you can use this step to run the peppers through a food processor for more ease in cooking.)

4) Heat salt, thyme , cilantro  & rosemary with olive oil and a cup of diced red onions in you pot until onions are softs and trance lucent.

5) Add in you red peppers and vegetable stock and season to taste before letting cook on low for 20 – 25 minutes.

6) Use a blender of emulsifying wand to emulsify you soup for serving.  Set aside before serving

4) Take the 2 slices of the brioche loaf and butter on one side of each piece.

5) Take shredded or cubed fontana and place on top of each piece of bread open faced on a small skillet.

6) Drizzle the white truffle oil onto of the cheese and let cook until bottom of each slice of bread is golden brown

7) Combine both pieces of bread in the oven and allow 3- 5 minutes for sandwich to finish off while adding a bit more truffle oil on top and butter to the sides of the pan.

ENJOY!

 

Recipes, Recipes, Recipes!

Lately whenever I’m not writing, I’m cooking and since you all know I’ve been writing a lot you can only guess how much I’ve been cooking. Somehow over the past few months I’ve gone from an above average twenty-something cook to a full blown gourmet chef in the making (or at least good enough to not starve to death from salmonella poisoning).  Lately I’ve been having more and more people ask for recipes to things I make here at home that are easy, healthy, and delicious so I’ll be sporadically popping some of those on up here on my blog for everyone to enjoy! Questions, comments, concerns? Find me on twitter @chelsellen! xoxo

Creamy Loaded Baked Potato Soup

with Bacon, Chive & Sharp Cheddar Garnish IMG_2324

Ingredients: 4 -6 Red Potatoes

Chives

Grated Sharp Cheddar

Heavy Whipping Cream

Flour

Salt & Pepper

Butter

Chicken Stock

Garlic

Sour Cream

  BACON! 

1) Cut the red potatoes into cute little cube, sprinkle with salt &pepper and pop into the oven (set at 375 degrees) for 20 – 30 minutes. IMG_2291

2) Meanwhile chop the raw bacon (I do not recommend this this cooking method for those that are faint of heart or hate the feeling of raw meat. If you are one of those who are afflicted by this try cooking the bacon regularly first and then cutting ) into small bits and set aside to cook.

3) Melt about a tablespoon of butter into a skillet and once melted thoroughly turn down the heat and add the bacon bits. (Try to resist the urge to vomit)

4) Once bacon starts to crisp and brown take it out of the pan and let cool on appear towels. (Try to resist the urge to eat all of this bacon before the soup is ready.

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5) Whisk a little more than half a stick of butter into you pot with 1/3 a cup of white flour.

6) Add in 3 – 4 cups of  heavy whipping cream and turn the heat down while stirring.

7) Once cream begins to thicken add in the chopped potatoes (which should have been out and cooling once they are soft to the touch but not to the bite).

8) Stir until cream and potatoes become a thick, dense sauce then slowly begin adding the chicken stock to thin it out to soup.

9) Once you’ve achieved your desired consistency (add 3 or more cups of broth for a thinner soup) add salt & pepper and a tablespoon of minced garlic to taste and let soup cook for 10 – 15 minutes. IMG_2313

10) Add in 1/3 cup of sour cream (or whatever, if you’re watching your figure I’d cut out sour cream completely or if you’d rather just say “fuck it” and enjoy this delicious soup in all its glory add sour cream to taste, to each their own right?) and fold into soup.

11) Chop chives and add to top with cheese and bacon bits.

12) SERVE!