5. Death — Because no one ever dies when you’re young wild and free. Life in college doesn’t teach you that people, friends, basically everyone you know will die. Sure you have that one kid who tragically passed away in high school and your class dedicated a page in your yearbook to him/her and it was all very depressing but in does but once you get to college instead of educating you on grief, how to deal with it, and it’s inevitability you just pretend that no one dies so that once you’re out of college and that first big death of someone you were close to comes you’re left to freak the fuck out.
4. Taxes — Like who the hell.. what the… I don’t even know… H&R Block?! Why don’t they have a class on how to get that big chunk of change the government EXTORTED from you (I use extort loosely) back in an easy an efficient manner? Or even explain it at all because that would be helpful.
3. Financial Planning — Once you’re done with college everyone expects you to buy a nice car, get married, have babies, buy a house, etc. But you know what all those things have in common? Their EXPENSIVE! Why don’t they teach you, ironically enough while spending somewhere between 50K and 100K how to financial save up for these things. How do they even calculate a credit score? Sure, I could be proactive and take a free class at the YMCA or something about financial responsibility, but that’s just the thing, I just finished college I’m not old enough to be responsible for my financial security through next week let alone my WHOLE LIFE. Thanks college.
2. Patience — Everything in college is NOW and everything after is later. You get nothing right away and I blame college for not preparing us for that. Even the premise of college is that in 4 years you go from barely able to get into Hookah bars to running Las Vegas (oh and having a degree, duh). Four years is nothing! After college it’s all “wait to have kids”, ” wait to get married”, ” wait for that promotion”. It’s nothing but being unbearably patient and I was not ready for that at all.
1. Reality — GOD DAMN YOU COLLEGE. Reality isn’t staying up all night on a mix of Red Bull, adrenaline, and beer pong! Reality is paying bills, reality is waking up everyday at the same time and doing the same thing in the same order everyday for forever! Reality is bills and coming home to a cranky boyfriend/girlfriend and going to the gym and hanging out with your friends who you barely have time to see anymore and that’s about it. College does not prepare you for when you have to call COX to dispute a bill charge, or oil changes, or anything mundane and regular. College is a place where crazy things happen all the time everyday and you never know what’s going to happen… except… wait… that’s life…
So I guess in a way, it prepared me for everything, and nothing all at the same time. #SMH