I’m writing this because, well, to be honest I just saw this Rachel McAdam’s movie About Time (no literally, that was the title… Just imagine a producer asking “What should we call it…? Well, it is about time… OMG that’s it About Time) and it made me think, what if I could go back in time and tell me former self not to do all the fucked up stuff resulting in my now self?! Genius. Hence this letter. (The movie wasn’t actually that good, at the end of this letter I will give you the most important advice ever, please disregard this advice as it relates to this movie).
Right now you’re freshly 22, in few months this very upbeat song by Taylor Swift, obviously entitled 22, will surface and everyone will wish they were also 22. You shouldn’t get too excited, this year is totally about to blow for you. #SorryNotSorry (Yes, that hash tag is a thing).
Professionally this year is a mixed bag. You’ll get tired of being a server and smelling like food (no matter how amazing it is) but getting out of it isn’t going to be easy. You’ll dabble in things here and there and meet some really cool people who are going to teach you how to be more girly and pretty but at the end of the day you’ll jump from $10 an hour to $10 an hour gigs for the best part of the year. That is, until you make your way back to your field of choice( politics) and let me skip to the ending, you hate it. You’ll wonder if you’re cut out for politics, the answer is probably not campaign politics. You love sleeping, personal hygiene, and your sanity so I’m not sure if it’s a good fit. You’ll make moves… just not this year.
Romantically… Well… it ain’t easy. You’ll skip back and fourth between wanting to run away and wanting to stay in that relationship forever. In the end you’ll end up in a strange limbo with your heart, afraid to let him go but also afraid you won’t. It’s nowhere near as bad as is seems but for you it’ll feel like you’re losing your first love all over again. You’ll relearn how to be together but you’ll still have so many questions and not as many answers.
Friend wise you’ve finally hit the jackpot. People will enter and leave your life so quickly this year that you’ll cling to the good ones, and for once they’re not in a hurry to leave your side. They’ll save you, root for you, pray for you, worry about you, then one day you’ll realize you’re the happiest you’ve ever been friend wise. Don’t waste a moment not appreciating them. One day you’ll look up at your 23rd birthday and all the most important people to you in this moment in your life will be there and nothing will feel more accomplished.
But, in general, everything else sucks. You’ll second guess yourself more than you should. You’ll be harder on yourself than anyone else could be and with every failure, every misstep, you’ll become a little more fearful of living life and you won’t realize that it’s your own fear holding you back until much later, after regret has already set in. But you’ll also find out just how resilient you are, bursting with never ending optimism and a drive that for the first time you’ll see is unique to you. There will be a lot of sleepless nights, too many tears to count, a bottom that you’ll hit MULTIPLE times. The worst will happen and in the end you’ll still be alive.
You will obviously start a very unsuccessful blog, but stay with it. Let others in through words when nothing else can describe what you’re going through.
Almost everyone A lot of people will hate it, but as long as you write what’s true, you’d be surprised at how many people will listen to your story. I wish I could be there for you (I mean technically I am you so I am there but I mean, I’m LITERALLY no help) but you’ll find your way.
Whatever you do, don’t do anything differently. You’ll want to. Hell, if tomorrow I get a letter from my 24 year old self telling me what was in store I’d jump at the chance to change everything. Don’t. Because even though it’s not perfect you’ll kick 22’s ass, and you like the person you are at 23, so don’t change a thing.
Your 23 year old self